It's May - Mayday, Mayday, Mayday.  Here's a headscratcher for you: if the international distress call has nothing to do with the month of May, then why was it chosen?   Frederick Stanley Mockford, a senior radio officer at Croydon Airport in London, first introduced the word "Mayday" in 1923.  He was asked to think of a word that would easily be understood by pilots and ground staff in an emergency situation. He decided to use a phonetic transcript of the French sentence, "Venez m'aider" which means Come and help me. Mayday was declared as the official radiotelephone distress call by the International Convention of Washington in 1927. Useless information? Sure, but one never knows when it could come in handy. In this issue, you'll find: 

• Something Roy has checked off his bucket list
• The real source of Nick's sense of humour
• Audio Fun Facts 
• Brain Busters 
• And much more!  

Eric Raddatz, a recent guest on the show, is the founder of the Fort Myers Film Festival. He also co-founded the Naples International Film Festival in 2009.  More than 80 short films and documentaries will be screened this year at the 13th annual FMFF. 

Hint:  It's connected to a much-anticipated movie release in July 2023.

Ruth Handler was the co-founder of Mattel and she introduced the Barbie doll to the market on March 9, 1959 (the patent for the doll was registered on May 9, 1958).  Handler named the doll after her daughter, Barbara.  The Ken doll was named after Hander's son; it was introduced two years after the Barbie doll debuted. The Barbie doll's original full name was Barbara Millicent Roberts, and she was from (fictional) Willows, Wisconsin.  In case you're wondering, the first Barbie sold for US $3.00. Today, a mint-condition Barbie doll can sell for as much as US $27,000.

In 2007, I decided to write a screenplay.  It took almost a year to do. I had an idea to write a script about tablets that were found in the Yucatan Peninsula.  The tablets were dated back to prehistoric earth and had text that no one knew how to read.  A young intern working at the lab where the tablets were being studied stumbles upon the fact that he can read them, and the story begins from there.  

In 2008, I began production of the movie. With a few friends and a few thousand dollars, I embarked on this amazing adventure. Making a movie sounds fun, but let me tell you it requires a lot of work and loads of dedication.  After finding 15 actors who not only fit their parts but were talented and worked for free. Next, you have to put together a shooting schedule, and that's when the real work begins.  Six months of intense shooting and then another six months of editing, costumes, shooting locations, and keeping it all together are also integral parts of making a film.  

After all of this hard work and almost one year, finally I had a finished product.  The film (The Knowers) was entered into a number of film festivals and won many awards.  It also had a limited release in 14 theaters in the U.S.

This was a mind-blowing task, but when I saw the faces of the cast and crew looking at this massive screen at one of the theater premiers I realized that it was all worth it.  Plus, I got to check that off my bucket list.   I would love to do it again knowing what I know now would seem a bit easier.  To those of you looking to do something like this, I say do it. It's like giving birth to a piece of your mind for everyone to see.

• Nick explores the real names of famous fashion designers.

Three of the brand headlines listed below are real. One is fake. Can you spot it? Go on, give it a go ... if you get stumped, scroll down to the end of the newsletter for the answer. 

1. McDonald's is bringing back the Hamburglar to promote menu changes. 
2. Oscar the Grouch is hired by United Airlines to be its Chief Trash Officer.
3. Tupperware may be going the way of the Dodo bird. 
4. Chips Ahoy is branching into spuds with its new potato chip offering.

Constable Sean Shapiro is a special kind of police officer. He spends most of his time on social media, communicating with more than 600,000 TikTok followers about traffic issues and traffic laws. He gives clear and concise information about topics such as stunt driving, malfunctioning car horns and headlights, and the meaning of distracted driving.  Thanks to Sean for being a guest on the show and for sharing his 'useful' information with our audience.  Visit his website at trafficcop.ca

Most people would say that my dad was the comedian in the family.  He was the life of the party: first to start a conga line at a wedding; first to introduce my girlfriends to the wonderous sounds from his electronic, push-button whoopee cushion; first to take pictures wearing funny hats. But the truth is that he couldn't hold a candle to my mom. 

Here's what I mean:  One spring, my dad developed hay fever. He was sneezing and wheezing all over the house, so he paid a visit to the family doctor. The doctor recommended an over-the-counter medication to help with his symptoms.  After the brief visit, my dad picked up the medication from the local pharmacy and came home.    

My mom, my siblings, and I happened to be in the kitchen when he walked in the door.  We asked him about his visit and he proceeded to show us the purple pill that he was told he had to take at night before going to bed. The timing caught my mom's attention. She turned, walked over to the table, and picked up the box of meds. After a thorough analysis, she said: "What? Allegra!  Oh my God, that's all I need!" 

My teenage sisters and I turned as red as a beetroot.

After an awkward pause that seemed to last an eternity, I said: "No, Ma ... A-L-L-E-G-R-A."   

Mom had a wonderful way of spontaneously forgetting to use her inner voice. Happy Mother's Day to my mom who is no longer with us, and to all moms!

We were all sitting around one evening spitballing about cakes that have sexy names. That's right - sexy cake names.  How totally useless is that? 

Before we knew it, we had come up with groaners like tiramisu, big bundts, a three-layer buttercream, cherry bombs, and black forest. Just when we thought that we had finished our zany list of double entendres, Roy said: "I ate a Cookie Puss once, not to be mistaken for his cousin, Cookie O'Puss, or Cookie Puss's female counterpart, Cupie Puss."  

Now ... to all the Canadians reading this, get your heads out of the gutter. A Cookie Puss is not the figment of Roy's erotic imagination. The cake (and its family members) actually exist! Cookie Puss is a bizarre double-layer ice cream cake in the shape of an alien made by none other than the American ice cream company, Carvel. With a head in the form of an inverted light bulb, an ice cream cone for a nose, and two oversized ice cream sandwiches for eyes, the look of this cake may just make you want to take a hiatus from sex for a while. Cool name, though. 

Listeners Maureen and Sharon from the iHeart Radio Talk Network write:

My sister and I are such big fans of your show, so much fun to learn all the fascinating tidbits you research and talk about.  Your individual personalities are so terrific together ... I wonder if you can find out who invented the first coffee maker and where the first domestic coffee maker was actually manufactured?  Thanks. 

Response: Thanks for the feedback, Maureen and Sharon. Your question is really interesting!  Amalia Melitta Bentz was a German entrepreneur who was born in 1873. She was frustrated by the over brewing of coffee whenever she used percolators.  So, she experimented with different means of making coffee. Amalia finally decided to use blotting paper from her son's notebook and to her surprise, the paper was easier to use and produced a clean coffee. She started her drip coffee company and became the first person to create a coffee filter. 

Question:   Are you guys still doing audio birthday messages?  I don't know where to find them anymore on your website. 

Answer:  First of all, thanks for your question.  Yes, Nick and Roy are still recording and producing personalized birthday messages. If you're interested in ordering a birthday message, please visit the Nick and Roy Store. The messages cost Cdn$29.95, and they include an animated graphic of your choice. 

The chips in Chips Ahoy cookies are still chocolate. Headline #4 is fake. 

Thanks for reading the Totally Useless VIP newsletter. We hope that you've enjoyed the experience. If it has put a smile on your face, please don't keep it on the DL!  Tell a friend about the trend. 

If you have suggestions for the newsletter or would like to send us feedback, please email editor@nickandroy.com