It's March: Shamrock Season!  To be sure, we've got the gift of gab this month. Roy and I are obviously not Irish, but we love everything about St. Paddy's Day: The Guinness, the Irish stew and soda bread, the bagpipers marching in parades, the green hats and clothing, the music - even kissing someone who's Irish - or not!  All the traditions are so much fun and just what the doctor ordered to shake off the winter blues.   

In this issue, you'll find: 

• Roy's first memory of meeting Nick 
• Nick's bashful appearance in briefs
• Audio Fun Facts
• Friends and Supporters
• Mailbag Responses 
• ... and more! 

Nick and Roy recently had the chance to chat with Mark Cullen (pictured above), a fellow newsletter writer, but most importantly an expert gardener, author, broadcaster, entrepreneur, and Order of Canada recipient. Mark and his family have been in the gardening business for more than 100 years, and in the interview, he shares everything from his start at Weall and Cullen Nurseries to his son's latest venture at Cullen's Foods.  You won't want to miss this interview on March 9th. 

A lot of people don’t know the story of how Nick and I met. It was, I believe, sometime in 1978. We were in high school -  Christopher Columbus High School in the Bronx, New York. This was a New York City High School, and it was full of very interesting people. I got to my first class and remembered that I forgot to do my homework. Wait, to be truthful, I just didn’t do it. This kid in front of me had his work already out on his desk. So, I said: "Hey can I copy your homework?"  He said no. I said: "What? Really, what's the big deal?"  He said no again. At this point, I contemplated all kinds of horrible physical things that I was going to do to him. He then said: "I don’t want to get into trouble." Most people wouldn’t have said that because they wouldn’t want to risk looking uncool.  

(Standing in front of Christopher Columbus H.S. from left to right: Roy Locascio, Jocelyn Montalvo Mula, Nick Maiorano, Donna Morales, and (seated) John Leonard)

Nick wasn’t interested in being a rebel or being cool. Nick was interested in being a good person and doing the right thing over what was fun, fast, and easy. At the time, it didn’t stop my feelings of wanting to beat the hell out of him, but I did realize that he was willing to get his ass kicked to do the right thing. We became instant friends, and over forty years later we still are best friends. From time to time, I still want to kick his ass but that is just something I like to think about; it just makes me feel good. I am just joking.

We are two completely different people with the same sense of humor. Nick is detail oriented and always 15 minutes early while I am a bit haphazard and always thinking about the next crazy idea. Together it works, we are kind of like Laurel and Hardy, Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton, and Thelma and Louise (that’s one for the woke crowd). 

Anyway, the whole reason for this story is to tell Nick something that I never have before: If I hadn’t been so irresponsible and disorganized, I never would have asked you for your homework that day and we never would have become friends. So yes, it is because of me that you get to hear our show every week.

All joking aside, Nick and I have been there for each other through the good and bad times that life has offered up to us. True friends don’t have to be close in distance they just have to be there to listen or offer up some words of wisdom or compassion when it is needed the most. For that, and a million other reasons, we are best friends.

MISSING THE BOAT

• In 1912, the London Symphony Orchestra almost didn't make it to a concert. Find out why.  And Nick talks about who invented a staple in everyone's office. 

A BEARY BAD EXPERIENCE

• In this segment from "News from Around the World", discover what happens to a young girl when she gets bitten in an outhouse.

Engineers from CalTech University discovered something that will truly have you falling off your chairs. They decided to take a fresh look at Leonardo Da Vinci's pencil sketches, and they realized that he understood gravity 100 years before English mathematician Sir Isaac Newton was credited with the discovery.

In early February, Berto Rebelo of Manmade Brand invited me to the Dragon's Den Market, an in-person trade show that featured many products and services that had appeared on the reality television program, The Dragon's Den. I thought I might find some uniquely Canadian inventions to talk about on our podcast and reconnect with the Montreal-based manufacturers of the Manmade boxer briefs. So, I walked over to the CBC building in Toronto and started to look around. 

I had just pushed through the revolving doors on the main floor when, out of the blue, someone in a white lab coat and a black baseball cap appeared. He asked me to try on a pair of men's boxer briefs and model them in front of a video camera to record my feedback.  Full disclosure:  I had already tried on the underwear in the privacy of my own home, but the man in the white coat wanted me to go beyond my comfort zone. 

Hmmm. I experienced what can only be described as a brief moment of indecision.  Did I want to pose in my skivvies for all the world to see? What will my spouse say? Was I ready to replicate George Costanza's famous underwear photoshoot? 

Throwing caution out the window, I accepted the consequences of the unexpected exposure. To better understand what happened when I stepped out of the changing room and into the spotlight with my new pair of underwear, watch the video.  

Thanks to Anthony, Philip, Robert, and Berto of Manmade Brand for sharing the video with me. Thanks also for the care package I received after the event. Without a doubt, it was a great experience despite my knobbly knees and springy legs. 

From time to time, news items pique Nick and Roy's curiosity. They like to jot them down and possibly include them in upcoming shows. Here's the collection that didn't make the podcast this month:    

• Thief steals 200,000 Cadbury creme eggs in Britain. Wait a minute, did the Grinch steal Easter or Christmas?  
• Coke launched a new cola that tastes like a mood. Yep, not cherry-flavored, but transformation-flavored. 
• Is this a 3D printer for ants? Check out this teeny tiny invention.   
• Woman collects 118,791 four-leaf clovers
• Makeovers are all the rage, but would you give one to a tractor? Apparently, it happens in parts of the world.   

Did you know that Nick and Roy are featured on a Sirius RadioXM show? Canada Now host, Jeff Sammut, interacts with Nick and Roy for a 10-minute weekly segment that airs on Tuesdays at 2:30 pm.  

Canada Now is on Sirus XM from 1-3 pm ET from Monday to Friday.  The show shares the stories that matter to Canadians, going beyond the headlines and shining a spotlight on the cities, towns, and people that motivate and inspire us each and every day.  Host, Jeff Sammut, is a 27-year radio veteran, on-stage performer, and comedy writer.  Check out Channel 167 on SiriusXM. 

Listener Randy from Tulsa, Oklahoma writes: 

Hey, fellers!  You two make a dynamic duo!  If I had female lederhosen, your show would blow my dress up! You probably knew this, but the maximum number of teeth an adult male horse has is 44.  Does this pertain to zebras, also?   Thanks again for the show.  I have always loved useless information. Now with the two of you, I am beginning to feel more useless.

Answer:  Randy, thanks for listening and for taking the time to email us. We appreciate the feedback! Because of your question, we learned something new, too.  It turns out that an adult male zebra only has 40 teeth. We also found a great resource that talks about everything you need to know about zebra teeth. Thanks again for putting us on to one of the differences between horses and zebras.  

Have you ever noticed the leprechaun cartoon on the box of Lucky Charms? No?  Next time you're in the cereal aisle at your local grocery store, take a closer look. You should see an image of a cheerfully cute, orange-haired, blue-eyed little fella, dressed in a green jacket, a top hat with a four-leafed clover, and shoes with gold buckles. The elf is seemingly suspended in mid-air, keeping guard over the bowl of colorful marshmallows.    

The image on the cereal box got us thinking about how leprechauns were originally described.  Did they have carrot-orange hair and blue eyes?  Did they wear green jackets and four-leafed clovers?  

So, we did a little digging in a book called, A History of Irish Fairies by Carolyn White (2005) to find out just how far the pop cultural mascot had strayed from the original depiction of the elf in Irish folklore.  And, golly gee willikers, wouldn't you know it, some gold nuggets of useless information fell right into our laps. 

Most people can recognize the Irish flag and the Italian flag. But, can you name the countries below that have green as the dominant colour in their national flags?  Scroll down for the answers.

We are pleased to announce that all birthday, anniversary, and holiday audio messages in the Nick&Roy Store will include an animated digital card of your choice as a gift with purchase. A creative graphic along with the audio message will be delivered to recipients by email. Samples of the cards can be viewed here. 

March 8th is around the corner, so Roy and I would like to thank all the women influencers who contribute to our comedy show in more ways than we can count. It certainly wouldn't be the same without them. Happy International Women's Day to all women! 

1. Nigeria
2. Zambia
3. Pakistan
4. Jamaica
5. Bangladesh
6. Brazil

This is the third issue of the Totally Useless VIP newsletter. We hope that you've enjoyed the experience so far.  For questions and feedback, please email editor@nickandroy.com