It's February: The most misspelled and mispronounced month in the English language. Let's face it, the second month of the year is a hard word. Even the White House forgot to type the seemingly useless letter "r" between the letters "b" and "u" on multiple daily guidance and press schedules in 2015.  It was spelled "FEBURARY" - we kid you not!  What's the lesson here?  Remember to activate automatic spellcheck at least until we get past these next 28 days. In this issue, you'll find: 

• Roy's tips on how to stretch a dollar
• Nick's adventure on Ash Wednesday
• Audio Fun Facts
• Mailbag Responses
• Some Sweet Tweets
• ... and more!   

Every February 2nd, thousands of people across North America tune into a tv or radio station to find out whether their local celebrity groundhog has seen its shadow. As the legend goes, if the furry creature sees its shadow, then it means six more weeks of winter; if it doesn't, then spring is around the corner.   

We're sure that it comes as no surprise to you that the groundhog does not emerge to predict the weather, but if it doesn't emerge for that reason, why does come out of hibernation? Is it hungry?  The short answer: to predict whether they'll have a good mating season!   According to Dr. Stam Zervanos, a retired professor of biology at Penn State Berks, groundhogs come out of their winter slumber, yawn, stretch and venture out of their burrows to socialize and bond with a potential mate. 

Dr. Zervanos has been studying the hibernation patterns of groundhogs for more than 18 years. He believes that the groundhog's early and shadowy excursions from burrow to burrow are designed to create social connections which will facilitate actual mating in March.  Think of the burrow-hopping as a speed-dating encounter before a final commitment to copulate. 

No, I am not an advocate of barbecued groundhog!  It's not on the menu this month, although I read that marmot meat was the regional cuisine in rural America in the 19th and 20th centuries.

Instead, I'm going to talk about something that has been on everyone's mind lately: saving money on groceries. 

As many listeners may already know, I was in the restaurant business for most of my life.  I literally grew up in my family's restaurant, and I've owned three of them myself.  In my spare time, I still love putting on my apron and chef's hat to create some favorite dishes for family and friends.  I am always amazed at how many people choose fast food or frozen meals over fresh, easy-to-cook meals. It's a very expensive habit to eat out all the time.  

On days when there's just no time to cook, buying a pre-cooked rotisserie chicken from one of the big discount stores can be a lifesaver.

Did you know that you can make more than one meal for two people just from one bird?  For example, you can shred up about two cups of the white meat and add it to cream of mushroom soup which can then be served over egg noodles. It's a delicious hearty meal. To change it up, try adding corn or peas, or different vegetables to the mixture. 

Using the same chicken, you could shred another two cups of dark meat and add mayonnaise, some minced onions, celery, salt and pepper, and a splash of vinegar.  And bingo! You have an amazing chicken salad for lunch or brunch. 

Take the rest of the chicken carcass and boil it in a large pot.  Add chopped celery, carrots, onions, leeks, and any other vegetables you have in the fridge. Pull the remaining meat off and add it all back to the original water that the chicken was cooked in.  Spice it to your liking. Then break up some spaghetti or other pasta and toss it in.  You will have an amazing soup. 

These are easy meals that are so satisfying.

One US$5.00 (Cdn$8.00) chicken can make at least 3 meals. This proves we can still feed a family on a budget if we get our creative juices flowing. 

Valentine's Day Surprise

• How much money does the average man spend on Valentine's Day?  Do they spend more or less than women? 

19th Century Rubber 

• Is there such a thing as a "rubber" wallet?  

Hint:  As Larry David would say, "The owner is a pretty tall guy, pretty, pretty tall." Scroll down for the answer. 

It was Wednesday, March 4, 1981. We had just finished our math class and Roy and I decided to go out for lunch.  Our friends Mitch and Vinnie tagged along, too.  We all hopped into Roy's green Chevy Blazer for the 10-minute drive to the nearest McDonald's. We only had an hour for lunch and lost track of time. Before we knew it, we were late for our next class. Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a big deal, but we had already exhausted pretty much all of our late passes. Our high school graduation was in jeopardy.   

What I remember is that I was worried sick because the last thing I needed was for my Italian mother to find out that I was not going to graduate high school because I spent too much time at McDonald's with my friends. As we were driving back to school, I know that I drove Roy insane with all of my complaining and hand-wringing. I was sure that we were doomed.

"Don't worry," Roy said. "I have an idea. Today is Ash Wednesday, isn't it?"  I didn't understand how that was going to solve the problem because if we had to go to church to get our ashes, we'd lose even more time. Besides, Mitch was Jewish. How would he get away with it? 

We rolled into the school parking lot, and I still didn't have a clue how we were going to talk ourselves out of this mess. Roy took the last puff of his cigarette, slid open the ashtray, and stuck his thumb deep into the ashes.  He leaned over and marked my forehead with the sign of the cross.  "There," he said. "Here's our way in."  He turned to Mitch in the back seat and said "get over here," and marked his forehead, too. "You're Catholic today."  And finally, he applied the ashes on Vinnie and himself. 

When we walked into the school, the hallway monitor was there waiting with a pen in hand, ready to fill out our late passes. Roy pointed to our foreheads and apologized for being late. "We went to church to get our ashes," he said. "Today is Ash Wednesday."  She looked at the four of us wondering if she should believe us or not and then gave us the go-ahead. "Hurry up, you're already late."  

I don't think there are enough Hail Marys in this world to cover what we did that day.

Roy: What's the dumbest thing you've ever said?

Nick: It's awfully bold of you to think that I've peaked in that department. Still, the dumbest thing that I've said so far has to be when my wife and I were hiking in the woods. I stopped in my tracks, turned to her and said that I heard someone typing on a manual typewriter. She replied: "that's a woodpecker, dear."

Roy: Impeccable, dude, impeccable.   

Did you know that the Totally Useless Information podcast with Nick and Roy was first introduced on the radio in 2019 by radio producer Ben Harrison and broadcaster Barb Di Giulio? Barb interviewed us for a 10-minute segment on Thursday, September 5, 2019. We'd like to give them a big shout-out. Their faith in our particular type of comedy opened the door to a host of other guest appearances. 

Listener Nicole from Harrison, NY writes: 

Dear Nick and Roy,  You guys are da bomb!  You make me laugh every week. In fact, when I'm feeling blue, I start to binge-listen to your past episodes on your website. Here's what I want to know: Where did the expression "using your noodle" come from? 

Answer: We appreciate your feedback and your question about the slurpable starch, Nicole. The origin of the expression varies. Many sources say that it probably comes from the old English word "noddle" which means head or brains. According to the Christian Science Monitor, the expression to use your noodle was originally an insult because it implied that the person was a simpleton, with floppy noodles for brains.  Interestingly, Italians have more than 100 names for noodles, so someone might have to explain exactly which type of pasta they've been associated with. No one will appreciate being called a "vermicello" or "fregula".   

Can you find all the celebrity names in this month's puzzle? Play the word search by clicking on the button. 

Comet ZTF whizzed by the Northern Hemisphere at 399 million miles (or 642 million km) per hour. Did you see it?  This incredible bright-green spectacle hasn't been seen on Earth since the Ice Age.  We're not exactly sure how astronomers know this fact, but that's what everyone has been reporting in the news. This means we probably won't see a comet like this again for tens of thousands of years once it's gone. 

According to NASA's in-depth webpage on comets, these galactic phenomena are referred to as "dirty snowballs". They were given this name because they are made mostly of ice, coated with dark organic material. The journey of a comet starts from the outermost planets and forms elliptical orbits that pass close to the sun. As the comet gets closer to the sun, the ice melts and it forms its signature 'tail' behind the comet of dust and gas.  

• A Map Showing the Distribution of 19 berries in North America 
• Mandarins vs. Clementines: Do you know the difference?
• 50,000 Candy Hearts Art @alispagnola
• White strawberries in the U.K.
• Unnecessary Inventions:  the Jewel Cooler

Question: I'm having trouble seeing the images in your newsletter. What can I do? I'm viewing it on an iPhone12 Max, iOS16 and I have the latest software updates. 

Answer: First of all, thanks to everyone for letting us know.  Several readers using iPhones or iPads have reported problems with the latest iOS16. Please know that we have added a link at the top of the newsletter for better access to images through a browser. Android phone users have not reported any issues. 

The heart-shaped pupils belong to Michelangelo's famous masterpiece in marble, David. To this day, no one knows why the Italian sculptor chose to give David hearts for eyes.  He left no reason or explanation for his choice. 

This is the second issue of the Totally Useless VIP newsletter. And, we hope that you've enjoyed the experience so far.  We're still making adjustments, so the publication will evolve as we move forward.

Our goal is to:  

• provide you with exclusive content
• get up close and personal with our listeners
• share new and exciting contest giveaways
• interact with you in a fun way 

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